Advice
Before You Say “I Do”: 10 Costly Mistakes to Avoid
Before you say “I do”, it helps to know this truth. Marriage does not create problems from nowhere, it reveals what is already there and then multiplies it. If you enter it with blind spots, those blind spots become battles. If you enter it with wisdom, that wisdom becomes shelter.
Here are 10 mistakes to avoid before you say “I do”, with the kind of depth that saves futures.
Mistake 1: Marrying potential instead of patterns
Many people fall in love with who someone could become, not who they consistently are. Potential is not a promise. Patterns are proofs. If you are always explaining their bad behaviour, always covering their character gaps, always hoping the next season will change them, you are not building a marriage, you are signing up for a long rehabilitation project. A serious person may have flaws, but they also have a track record of growth, responsibility, and truthfulness. Look for evidence, not imagination.
Mistake 2: Confusing chemistry with safety
Chemistry is real, but chemistry is not character. You can feel intense attraction to someone who is emotionally unsafe. Safety looks like calm honesty, not constant anxiety. If you often feel unsettled, afraid to speak, unsure where you stand, or forced to beg for clarity, your spirit is picking up danger. The right relationship does not remove excitement, but it adds peace. Peace is not boredom, it is security.
Mistake 3: Ignoring how they handle power
One of the clearest predictors of someone’s future in marriage is how they behave when they have an advantage. Watch how they treat waiters, younger people, family members, ex friends, and people who cannot “help” them. If they humiliate others, they will eventually humble you. If they are kind only when it benefits them, that kindness is a strategy, not a nature. Marriage gives people access. Do not give access to someone who misuses power.
Mistake 4: Focusing on wedding readiness instead of marriage readiness
Some people are ready for a ceremony, but not ready for covenant. They want the outfits, the pictures, the applause, the new surname, the status. But marriage needs emotional maturity, financial sense, self control, and spiritual discipline. A person can plan a wedding in three months and still be unprepared for the daily sacrifices of partnership. Ask the hard questions now. Weddings are events. Marriages are lives.
Mistake 5: Entering marriage with unhealed wounds and calling it love
Unhealed pain does not disappear because you got married. It looks for expression. It becomes suspicion, control, jealousy, silent treatment, anger, or emotional shutdown. Many people marry as a way to escape loneliness or prove their worth. That is dangerous. A spouse is not a healer, and marriage is not therapy. Healthy love can support healing, but it cannot replace personal responsibility. If you bleed on someone who did not cut you, you may destroy what God meant to build.
Mistake 6: Choosing a partner you cannot disagree with
If you fear disagreement, you will end up living a performance. Before you say “I do”, notice how conflict is handled. Do they listen, or do they punish? Do they apologise, or do they defend and twist the story? Do they fight fairly, or do they insult, threaten, or go silent to control you? Marriage is not about never arguing. It is about having the skill to repair after conflict. The ability to repair is more important than the ability to impress.
Mistake 7: Skipping deep conversations because you are enjoying the moment
Enjoyment is good, but marriage requires alignment. Talk about money, family boundaries, faith, children, work roles, sex expectations, past history, debt, goals, and values. Do not avoid these talks because you are afraid of losing them. If honest conversations can destroy the relationship, it was never strong enough to become a marriage. Clarity is kindness. Vagueness is a trap.
Mistake 8: Marrying someone who makes you shrink
This one is subtle. Some relationships do not look toxic on the outside, but you slowly become smaller inside. You stop expressing yourself. You reduce your dreams. You become careful, quiet, and overly apologetic. You start editing your personality to keep peace. That is not peace, that is fear with a smile. A good partner does not compete with your light. They protect it. They do not feel threatened by your progress. They celebrate it.
Mistake 9: Treating loyalty as the highest virtue while ignoring wisdom
Loyalty is powerful, but loyalty without discernment becomes self destruction. Some people stay because they are “committed”, even when the relationship is unsafe. Commitment is not a command to endure abuse, manipulation, or constant betrayal. There is a difference between patience and denial. Before you marry, understand this. Love is not proven by how much pain you can tolerate. Love is proven by truth, honour, consistency, and responsibility.
Mistake 10: Refusing counsel and accountability
Many destiny delays happen because people isolate themselves. They hide red flags from mentors, avoid family wisdom, and reject spiritual guidance because they want what they want. A person who loves you will not fear healthy accountability. If your relationship survives only in secrecy, it is not love, it is control. Before you say “I do”, invite wise counsel, not cheering squads. The goal is not to marry quickly. The goal is to marry well.
A final expert insight is this. The person you marry will not only share your home, they will influence your future. They will either multiply your discipline or drain it. They will either sharpen your vision or constantly blur it. So do not only ask, “Do I love them?” Ask, “Does this love make me more whole, more truthful, more stable, and closer to God’s purpose for my life?” That question can save you years.
